Feb 26 2009
We suffer mornings most of all.
“I guess I kind of woke up in a funk this morning.”
I woke up and you weren’t there. And I obviously overslept, I knew that I would. Waking up was kind of a nightmare, with the phone screaming with my Mom on the other line with plans for travel.
And then I screamed “Holy shit! Class started 12 minutes ago! I’ve got to go!”
I’m too young to be this old.
I am too old to be acting this juvenile.
Probably agreeing to myself to stay in the library until 2 and then meet up with you when you got out of work was a bad idea.
But you’re very sweet, I know that. I just plainly can’t deal with someone finding me so fascinating.
I can’t even share anything with you, even when you ask. And I can’t deal with you laughing at me, even if it’s in admiration. It bugs me. So much that I have to stop you and say “But why are you laughing?”
I’m pretty thrown when you stop to talk. THAT I am certainly not used to. But society taught me to be more close-mouthed. I really think I’ve gotten much better at THAT.
But let’s do the math. I’ve been here for nineteen years, and you twenty-something? Whatever, I can’t deal with the aging thing.
Should I be much further along then this? Fuck Sex and the City for making me think in all these rhetorical questions.
I always despised that show because I believed the audience (young) mistook Carrie Bradshaw’s sexual problems as a reason for theirs (ever still youthful).
Eight year olds idolizing thirty-somethings emotional wrecks…(shudder)
Now I realize that show is really great, for me. But I’m worried I’m justifying and applying. It’s not just with that show though, it’s everything. Merely an example.
What exactly is intimacy, anyway? I am much more open with my girlfriends then I ever could be with someone I’m sleeping with.
And my reasoning for that is that we just click, we analyze and find the common ground, relate. Maybe that’s not such a good thing…
I probably shouldn’t hang around such fucked-up women.
But I supposed I’m not entirely heartless and turned off to the idea of romance, or, let’s call it CONNECTION.
I didn’t like that I heard the door click behind you in the dark this morning.
